Relationship Needs and Wants

There is so much advice out there about finding the perfect relationship.  Finding the right information is not as complicated as it all seems.  Let simplify some basics and make some sense of it all.  

So where do we start when looking to find the perfect relationship.  Well, let’s start by not looking for a perfect relationship, they don’t exist.  Relationships are not items to be judged as perfect or not.  They are a bundling of dynamic, ever changing, interactions between people.  We cannot reduce them to a one dimensional view; rather we have to approach them from a multifaceted viewpoint. 

Simply put, relationships change constantly, but our needs and wants in those relationships generally don’t.  It’s about giving and getting what you want from your partner.

First things first, slow everything down.  We can all sit and analyze a relationship for days on end, buts that’s only going to give you more questions, not answers.  Stop analyzing in circles.  Take a minute, take a breath, and slow down.

Now that you are calm, let’s look at what’s really important in a relationship: getting what you need and want.  There is a big difference between the two.  A need is something you can’t live without, and a want is something you’d like to have but can compromise on.  Sounds simple, but when it comes to relationships we seem to get it wrong.   

Let’s look at it from a biological standpoint.  We all need clean air and water to live.  We want a mansion, but somehow manage without.  Relationships are no different.  The problem is that everyone tries to tell you there are ubiquitous needs and wants when they are truly different for all people.  What are the things you absolutely need in and from your partner?  For instance, one person may have a need to be the same religion as their partner, but for someone else it is not so important.  Find someone that fits. 

Take a little bit of time, take the project slow, and identify your needs and wants in a relationship.  Once your needs are clear, you have to keep those needs sacred.  Meaning, they cannot be sacrificed for anyone.  If you do sacrifice them, the only outcome will be resentment and unhappiness.  Wants can be altered, because they are not as important to you.  Now we are simplifying.

So where do go from here.  Now that you have identified your needs and wants you can correctly analyze the relationship you are in to see if those needs and wants are being met.  If you are not in a relationship, use the exercise to analyze any potential partner. 

It’s always about finding the right fit.  What you are looking for is out there, you just have to be able to see it. 

Relationship Needs and Wants – Leo Loukas – Chicago Counselor – Chicago Therapy Solutions